Alone

There was a time in my life when I felt different from everyone else. I had the opportunity to play hockey at several prestigious prep schools, something no one else on my team had been offered. This was a huge moment for me, and it carried a lot of weight. But with that weight came alone I had to make this decision alone. My parents told me, “You can do what you want with your future.” And so, the thought was mine to carry.

I had earned this chance through everything I had worked for, but it came with its own set of challenges. One of the schools I was offered a spot at was in Massachusetts, one of the top institutions in the world for hockey. The problem was the cost was crazy 40,000 for just one year. It felt like a dream within reach, but also something that might slip away because of financial limitations.One night I found myself alone in my room unable to sleep. Everyone else seemed so happy, out playing the sport I loved. But for me, there was an overwhelming weight on my shoulders. I couldn’t shake the uncertainty. It was my future on the line, and I was the one who had to make the decision. I had to choose between leaving home to play hockey at one of these prestigious schools either in Massachusetts or Michigan or staying home, playing for my high school team at Oak Hill. The pressure of making the wrong choice felt immense. If I chose wrong, I feared there might be no way to fix it.

As the days passed the pressure only grew. I toured schools, but it felt like I was alone in the whole process alone. I went with my parents, of course, but they weren’t there to make the decision for me. This was my choice and it was terrifying. While others around me seemed different, smiling as they went about their lives, I couldn’t help but wonder. How could they be so happy when my mind was consumed by this monumental decision. To them, it might have seemed like just another opportunity, but to me, it was the weight of my future.

In the end I chose to stay home. The cost of going away, the pressure of making the perfect decision, and the fear of failure all combined to make the choice too overwhelming. While I believe I made the right decision for me, the process of making it alone was incredibly difficult. The weight of the responsibility, the uncertainty, and the lack of support made the journey hard but in the end it pushed me to become a stronger person.

Looking back, I realize that while I didn’t have all the support I needed in making that decision, it taught me an important lesson: when you have support, you need to lean into it. It’s not about carrying the thought about being alone sometimes, the best decisions are made with the help of those who care about you. In my case I didn’t have that and it made the journey much harder than it needed to be.

But through it all I came out stronger. The attention, the pressure, the weight it all pushed me to grow and become someone who doesn’t take anything for granted. And in the end, I learned that sometimes the toughest decisions are the ones that shape you the most.

Featured Image: “Success is a road we travel alone; Never lose focus of your path.” by theaverywatts is licensed under CC BY-NC-ND 2.0.