The Goal?

All my life, I was told that graduating high school was the goal, it was the big finish line at the end of the tunnel. I ignored that metaphor entirely, I thought it was a complete bogus. “I’ll just give up.” I told myself. A good portion of my high school years, that was my mindset, I just figured I would drop out at some point. I didn’t care much, but I didn’t, for a few reasons. And those reasons are huge parts of my life, or really important memories. But as we approach our graduation, I’m starting to see, it is not the finish line, it’s barely a checkpoint. Sure, I am out of the tunnel. But this is nowhere near the end. If I had been in the mindset I was in, only just a year ago. I think this realization would have made me drop out. Possibly just give up entirely, but I’ve come to realize that there’s so much more worth to the world than I had known before. And I encourage you to tell your siblings or friends younger than you, to also not give up, it’s far easier said than done. But an attempt is always better than not at all.

Narrative: I was young when I started to hate school, maybe eight, nine, I didn’t like the idea of it, and the way the teachers taught things, it didn’t make much sense to me. So I ended up always behind, because I just didn’t bother to understand, I couldn’t bring myself to want to care about it. One of the reasons this ideology of mine changed was because I have one memory when I was 11, maybe 12, of an elderly man in the park. Back then, I remember this park, being so vibrant, and full of life, when I visited it a few months ago on a date. It had not been anything like I remembered it.  But back to the elderly man, he was talking to his son, or daughter. I don’t remember what they looked like. But he was talking to his kid. While I was on a swing. And the kid who was probably 16, I believe said something along the lines of “I’m dropping out, I hate it there.” And the old man, I remember his words oddly vividly, he said “But why? You came so far, to drop out now would be telling your younger self they wasted their time. Graduating is the ultimate goal of your youth.” While at the time, I shrugged it off. It sounded stupid, but I never forgot it. They rang in my head sometimes as I got older, approaching high school. And when I moved away from Oak Hill to Lisbon in the seventh grade. When I had made it to the end of that year, my home room teacher made high school sound so much harder than it was. That it was going to be “hell,” but at the same time would be the best years of my youth. But it wasn’t. I went into high school, not excited for it, and quite honestly, scared, terrified even. But it was nothing like what they had told me, it wasn’t as hard as I was told it would be. Maybe I just understood the material, or I had just gained an affinity for learning over the years subconsciously due to having to catch up all the time. And they were genuinely some of my favorite years of my life. So far, despite everything that happened.

Narrative: I met my best friend in eighth grade. They were the ones who had helped me discover more about myself than I had known were allowed, opened my eyes to see that things weren’t so black and white, and helped me realize what I was feeling, and eventually coming out early into my freshman year. Eighth grade I would say, was the turning point of my life. If I had not met this person in that year, I do not think I would be anywhere near what I am today. Before them I was as quiet as a mouse, my yelling voice was barely as loud as some people’s normal talking voice, I just did not like to talk. This person had violently taken me out of that shell, and threw me into confrontation with others nearly daily, they were popular, they knew everyone. So I gained a voice to be able to speak. It didn’t fully happen until the end of sophomore year. After they had departed from us. That I had fully decided I would be more outgoing. I had used them as a liaison to mediate my interaction with people. But I couldn’t do that anymore. Their leaving hurt me a lot. I believe what I had gained from it, as morbid as it sounds, was similar to seeing a rainbow while it’s raining. 

High school I was told, would feel like it went by in a moment. When I  reached where I am now, it would feel like it just flew by, yet another thing I brushed off. I had not realized how true that statement was until towards the end of my sophomore year, Narrative: when I had lost my best friend, just how long it had actually been, a few days later, I brought myself down to my counselors office to try something new, I applied to LRTC, the Multi-Media program. It was something I had an interest in doing, and still do, it was what I planned to go to college for.  But that was not the program I applied to. After that realization that I wasn’t making the most of my life, I started to try more things. And recently (recently, 6-8 months ago) I’ve started to write. At first it was something I thought I would try, and ended up hating, I mean I failed English 3 because my teacher thought my writing was bad. While in the perspective of her class, she may have been right. I don’t always write the best for any of my English classes. I forget to add the terms in class, or sometimes my thoughts don’t get fully typed out. But I love to write so much more than I had thought, and I’m not too sure why I hadn’t realized it sooner. Maybe I had to do some writing for my own personal enjoyment, to realize how much I did. 

I haven’t actually talked to most of you, and the few I did, it was definitely not on a personal level. I know nothing of you, and you know not much of me besides what I’ve said in this speech. But just as much as I hope I succeed in my own endeavors of becoming an author, I hope you all become whatever it is you aspire to be. And I hope you don’t have to struggle with the thought of giving up, ever.

“The Start and Finish Line of the ‘Inishowen 100’ Scenic Drive” by Andrew_D_Hurley is licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0.