The Greatest Hockey Player That’s Ever Existed Ever And Forever

So you look at me, you average short muscular man, and you think. I bet he’s athletic. And you might be right. There’s a good chance you are. But I wasn’t always the embodiment of peak performance you see today. There was once a time when I was so bad I accidentally became the best person on my team. This time was the funnest and most embarrassing time of my life. Pee Wee Hockey.

I so badly wanted to play I made my mom blow hundreds of dollars on equipment I was going to grow out of in half a year. I told her that I wanted to be “the greatest hockey player that’s ever existed ever and forever” so I joined the Maniacs pee wee team, back when they existed. It was after I joined the team that I realized I didn’t know how to skate and that skating was actually a slightly challenging thing to learn. Tho coach saw my failures and decided to give me a 5 gallon bucket to use as a support. This was the greatest mistake anyone could ever make.

In my very first game I had my bucket with me on the ice, I don’t quite remember but I think I was the only kid with a bucket. The game started and some kid got the puck. He started to move towards me and that was probably the very first mistake this kid ever made in his life. I smacked the kid with my bucket and put the puck under it and then pushed the bucket into the goal. It was the greatest moment and only moment of my hockey career. I then laid on the ground and pretended to be dead so no one would yell at me. I was immediately kicked off the team and never played hockey again. And I felt like a real failure there.

It was one of the first times were I knew I was genuinely bad. Sure I hit a kid with a bucket and scored but I couldn’t skate and I didn’t play good or fair. In fact i’m pretty sure that’s cheating. But I haven’t brushed up on my pee wee hockey bucket rules in a while. And when I was confronted with the problem I just pretended I was dead so I didn’t have to face it.

Now when I look back at it I just smile at how funny it is. The whole scenario just seems funny to me. And honestly I wish I could watch it happen. Someone should of recorded it. But it was definitely something I was embarrassed of and it was one of my first failures. And I know I can never play hockey again because of that. And i think its one of the reasons why I never like to go ice skating or do anything on ice is cause i’m afraid to fail again. But also who cares. At the end of the day I get a good laugh out of it and as time passes you should be able to laugh at your failures. Cause if we cant laugh at them then we haven’t truly learned from them. And if we don’t learn from them than whats the point?

Photo by kurokaze204 on Foter.com / CC BY-NC-ND