Out of place

I got invited to go to a class where they talked about having a special ed kid in your family and how to handle it/treat them and how to handle break downs and things like that so I decided to go and figured it would be a good opportunity for me to learn more about my sister and how she is feeling and thinking. I was hoping by the end of it I would have a better understanding of how to handle breakdowns with her more calm and collectively and not get so fired up and mad when something goes wrong. I really felt like I needed it and felt that it could help our relationship so much and hoped we’d get closer after it. She is the absolute sweetest girl but she does have breakdowns and never wants to see anyone hurting or crying and never wants to hurt anyone, so I figured I need to learn to be more patient with her like she is with everyone else because she deserves that. So I figured this class would be an amazing opportunity for me to learn more so I decided to go.

The morning of that class came and I was excited but nervous because I had never been to one so I didn’t know how they went about. I got there and it was a lot of older women and men not many younger kids like me. So to start I already felt a little out of place so I found my seat and didn’t say much at all. They started talking about it and teaching and I was learning so much and everyone seemed like they were understanding it so well and I wasn’t understanding it all I had so many questions and so I wrote them all down and was going to wait for the end when everyone asks them so that I didn’t interrupt. They took a break for bathroom and snacks, it was about a ten minute break so we had time to do everything. Finally the class started back up and everyone who participated in the class took our same seats again and the teachers of the class started talking again. They put on a presentation that was all about it and it was so interesting but yet I still had so many questions. So the ending came and they asked if anyone had any questions and I had so many but no one else raised their hand and I already felt so out of place that I didn’t want to stick out any more than I had to. So I didn’t.

When I got home I still had so many questions so I tried looking them up but it just wasn’t the same and I didn’t feel like it answered them to the same extent that they could’ve at the meeting. I really wished that I would have just grown some pride and asked them because still to this day I wished I would have. I wished I would have swallowed my pride and just asked what I was wondering because now thinking about it I don’t think anyone there would have looked down on me for asking questions because that’s what we were there for right? I definitely feel like there were more people there that had questions and was afraid to ask I do not think that I was the only one. I don’t think no matter the question that anyone of the participants in this program had I do not believe they would have been judged in the slightest and I wish I would have thought of that myself. I wish I would have asked my question and hopefully that would have given everyone else the courage to ask them because if I could do it, anyone could. Unfortunately no one was that brave but that’s okay because I’m sure at the next class they will because I feel that they probably all felt the same way I did.

I definitely learned that asking questions are okay no matter what anyone thinks of you. I learned its normal to have questions and it okay to ask them. Now I am not afraid to ask questions and when I have them I just ask and not care what anyone around me thinks of me. I have definitely changed my attitude towards asking questions because the next meeting I go to I am going to ask the questions that I have and not be scared or care what anyone else says or feels about my questions because I am sure that they feel the same way as me. I do not want to be left guessing again.

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