Sports Patience

Playing softball has been such a big part of my life since fourth grade. Previously, I’ve found comfort and joy in being on the field, especially playing second base, where I started my freshman year and have been stuck there ever since, my favorite spot on the field, where I get to be right in the heart of the action. I have so much love and enthusiasm for this future life ill live but its hard to let go of feelings I’ve had about change and to a sport that I feel as though that’s been all I’ve ever known throughout my life But now, as I enter my final season before college, I’m struggling more than ever with patience, patience with myself, with the game, and with time itself. I don’t want high school to end.

I wish I could turn back the clock and go back to how I played rec with all my friends. Since I’ve played this sport since I was young, it was such a big part of my life, and the only thing that mattered was whether my dad threw good pitches at the coach-pitch level and whether there were enough flowers in the outfield for all the little girls to pick. Every practice, every game, every moment on the field feels so precious, and I never want it to end, but this year, more than ever, I’ve been dealing with change and things ending. This year I’ve gone through much loss, I lost my grandmother, one of my friends, and my dog, and these losses have shaped me to realize there are a lot of important things in my life I love to hold onto, and losing them, and change are the worst parts about growing up. I find myself wishing I could freeze these moments, savor the sounds of the ball hitting the glove a little longer, the cheers from the stands, and the camaraderie with my teammates just a little longer. At the same time, I’m learning that being patient with myself is part of this journey. I’m still growing, still making mistakes, and still figuring out how to play my best and act my best and feel my best, and to learn too. And that’s okay. I’ve been trying to slow the clock all year and be patient with the time that I have left until I have to say goodbye to my friends and family and leave for college and become independent. This last year is not just about the game or the sport, it’s about holding on to this nostalgia, leaving behind the negative self-thought, the scared me of every change that’s been thrown my way,  and about appreciating how far I’ve come and embracing every second before I step into the next chapter of my life. Even though it’s hard, even though I’m scared, I’m trying to remind myself that it’s okay to be patient and allow that change to happen and not be such a control freak and just let things work out how their supposed to,  There’s this bittersweet feeling of wanting to hold on to these last experiences while also knowing that change is inevitable. to enjoy this special time as it unfolds.

“Softball at the Lloyd!” by Seth W. is licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0.

“softball” by tinatruelove is licensed under CC BY-ND 2.0.